Catullus Poem 23
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Perseus text of Catullus 23
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FVRI, cui neque seruus est neque arca  1 Furius, you who have neither a slave, nor a money-box,
nec cimex neque araneus neque ignis,  2 nor a bug, nor a spider, nor a fire, 
uerum est et pater et nouerca, quorum  3 but who have a father and a stepmother too, 
dentes uel silicem comesse possunt,  4 whose teeth can chew even a flintstone, 
est pulcre tibi cum tuo parente  5 you lead a merry life with your father 
et cum coniuge lignea parentis.  6 and with that dry stick, your father's wife. 
nec mirum: bene nam ualetis omnes,  7 No wonder: you all enjoy the best health, 
pulcre concoquitis, nihil timetis,  8 your digestions are excellent, you have nothing to be afraid of:
non incendia, non graues ruinas,  9 fires, dilapidations, 
non facta impia, non dolos ueneni,  10 cruel pilferings, plots to poison you,
non casus alios periculorum.  11 other chances of danger. 
atque corpora sicciora cornu  12 And besides this, your bodies are as dry as horn, 
aut siquid magis aridum est habetis  13 or drier still if drier thing there be, 
sole et frigore et esuritione.  14 what with sun and cold and fasting. 
quare non tibi sit bene ac beate?  15 How you be otherwise than well and prosperous?
a te sudor abest, abest saliua,  16 You are free from sweat, free from spittle,
mucusque et mala pituita nasi.  17 and rheum and troublesome running of the nose.
hanc ad munditiem adde mundiorem,  18 To this cleanliness, add an even cleaner one,
quod culus tibi purior salillo est,  19 that your anus is purer than a little salt-cellar,
nec toto decies cacas in anno;  20 and you defecate no more than ten times in a whole year,
atque id durius est faba et lapillis.  21 and that is harder than a bean or pebbles;
quod tu si manibus teras fricesque,  22 if you were to squeeze it or rub it with your hands,
non umquam digitum inquinare posses  23 you could never dirty your finger.
haec tu commoda tam beata, Furi,  24 Since you have such blessings as these, Furius, 
noli spernere nec putare parui,  25 do not despise them or think lightly of them; 
et sestertia quae soles precari  26 and cease to pray, as you do, for the hundred sestertia; 
centum desine: nam sat es beatus. 27 for you are quite well off enough as it is.